Thursday, July 30, 2009

Lawn mowers, vacuum cleaners and deep thinking

My family thinks I love to vacuum. This is not entirely true. Vacuuming helps me think and organize myself, don't ask me why...it somehow evolved when I had small children and needed time to myself but also needed to feel productive. Any how, I mowed our little acre and 1/2 with the hand mower the other day...couldn't stop. Then I scrubbed the bathroom with ammonia and borax. I was sweating and very tired. What prompted this insanity? I needed to think. I was thinking about girl friendships. You see I was called on the carpet by a old friend. I had no idea that I had somehow violated our friendship (I don't know all the rules!) and there it was-20 years of friendship down the toilet because of my ignorance and seemed insensitivity to her situation. Well first I was very upset and sad, then I got angry. I had not done anything so awful that I deserved to be cut loose like some puny little bait fish. PLUS I didn't even know I had done anything!

Well the bottom line is girl friendships have always confused me. In Jr. high I just spent every day with my horse, so much easier and a less complicated friendship. In college I roomed with guys. Again, more direct, no hidden agenda, no hurt feelings if we went out with other people or we didn't call each other. Don't get me wrong, I envy girls who seem to have these great forever friendships and I thought I had a few going until, well until I broke some unwritten but assumed rule. I have a few good friends that don't play these games and I am thankful for them. But it still disturbs me. I have a beautiful daughter and I'm not sure Ive been the best role model for girl friendships to her. I also teach and see how at an early age girls begin this manipulative path of communication. I think I will have to read up on it. For now I keep gas in the mower and a new belt on the vac. You never know when life is going to throw you a curve ball.

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